Shaken up, I make it to my destination...Ava’s dad’s (AD) house. I frantically tell him the story while gulping down alcohol and smoking a black n' mild just to calm my nerves; I don't even smoke black n' milds. But it had to do at the moment. I was willing to try anything just to calm down and get over the shocked state I was in. As I tell AD the story, his reply was, “Why do you even still let them over at your house?” (Referring to my cousin). I'm a little taken back as to how this is even remotely a response after everything that just happened. There was no contentment in the fact that the kids and I are ok. It just somehow turned on me and all of this is my fault? I'm not sure if he felt more loyalty to his friendship with the meth head due to the disgust he has for my cousin or what? Regardless, the response was very inappropriate to me and I kind of went off and it turned into a mini argument. It was just more fuel for him to throw in the fire. He even picked up the phone and called the meth head to get a better understanding of what was going on. Unfortunately, meth head didn't respond too keenly. He was still upset at everything and when he picked up the phone all we could hear was him ranting, “Imma kill him, imma kill him. Don't call my phone with no bullshit!” as he hung up in AD’s face. Welp, there goes your ditch effort to save yall friendship rather than putting that effort into being worried about your daughter. But whatever was my reaction after that.
So the night goes on and I just bottle up and stop talking about it due to the response I've gotten so far. I somehow am able to fall asleep. When I open my eyes the next morning, I immediately start weeping. I am sad and I also feel homeless. The feeling was overwhelming. I woke up with the thought of not knowing where I was headed that day. Its a Saturday, I have both my kids, and AD has to go to work. I called my parents in hopes of going to their house for the day but they happen to be out of town. I have a key to their house but in my mind, going there alone was not an option. So I call my girlfriend DD and she said that she would come meet me at my house. I don't know what I was thinking but a part of me wanted to go back home and claim my house back. I didn't want this feeling of running and homelessness for something that I had nothing to do with. I had set in my mind that my kids and I were going back home.
I pull up at the corner of my house where my friend was waiting for me. We then drive up the street into my parking lot. Luckily no one was outside at the time. I go inside and we assess the house. My other neighbor Mikey (one of the few normal civilized neighbors that I have) comes over just to make sure I feel safe while being there. I noticed that I was fine while my friends were there, although I kept locking doors and making sure the windows were locked. It didn't register to me yet that I actually felt unsafe. I was distorted by their company and thought everything would go back to normal. So we sit there for a few hours and then its time for my friends to leave. I give them the okay, making sure to once again lock the doors behind them.
Doors locked? Check.
Windows locked? Check.
Blinds closed? Check.
Doors locked? Check....again!
Before I sit down comfortably……..
Doors locked? Final check!
So were in the house, all is normal (so I think), and I decided to pack the kids and I some clothes just in case when nightfall comes and I decide I don't feel safe, I can just leave without having to pack a bag later. Or worse yet, if I have to run up out of there again like the previous night. I wanted to have my just in case bag ready. No telling what was going to happen when the sun went down this night. So I get all of our clothes together and go looking for our suitcases in the closets. When I couldn't find them, that's when it hit me. GASPS!!!! They're in the storage closet outside on my porch. Oh noooo!
I immediately start to panic at the thought of having to step outside by myself. I didn't have my friends as my security there anymore. “What if I see meth head?” I think to myself? I'm not sure if he's going to want to charge at me or apologize. The unknown is killing me. I panic to the point of tears. I then frantically call Mikey on the phone and tell him to come back over ASAP! Mikey runs to my house asking if I'm ok. He had no idea what just happened. All he knew is that I called him crying. So when I finally calm down from my first panic attack (which I didn't know what it was at the time), I ask him to go to my storage outside to get our suitcases. I pack our clothes in all of the suitcases available. No specific amount of clothes, I just packed what I could fit.
I called AD back and told him that we didn’t feel comfortable staying there and that I was coming back to his house until I figure out something. It was approximately 5pm and I knew he was at work so I told him that I would come meet him at his job to get his key. He told me to just wait and to meet him at a local Sizzler at 7pm where he was going to have a dinner date. Me being anxious to finally leave my place, I told him to just let me in his house and he can go on about his business. That’s when he told me that his date was meeting at his house at 7pm so I had to wait until they left and to meet him there at 7:15. That’s when I lost my patience. I knew that I was already asking him for a favor to stay at his house unexpectedly, but because I have his daughter I thought the matter was urgent and needed immediate attention. So I lost my cool with the following text:
Me: So you mean to tell me that your daughter and I have to wait until your date leaves before we can get to a safe location?
AD: You’ve been in an unsafe location for over 2 years so what’s 2 more hours?
By this time I was so frustrated but I couldn’t let an argument with him detour me of my purpose…..getting the hell out of my apartment ASAP. So I just went to a friends house and waited for him and his dad to “get dressed” and go to Sizzler. I had Mikey take Calen to his dad’s house and then Ava and I met AD at Sizzler to get the key. I get to his house and try as best as I can but not before doing my check:
Doors locked? Check.
Windows locked? Check.
Blinds closed? Check.
Doors locked? Check....again!
Before I sit down comfortably……..
Doors locked? Final check!
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