Today was a real chill day for me. Went to church and heard
some good Word that spoke to my soul. It made me reflect not only on my life
but some friendships and my immediate circle as well. This evening I sat at
home like any other normal Sunday and went to watch Lifetime but couldn’t find
a good movie to watch. I guess I’ve watched them all.
Anywho, so I sat here and listened to Pandora; B2K’s station
to be exact. I love this station because they play all the music that I used to
love from the early 2000’s. If anyone knows me, they know those where my years. I was very “free spirited,”
vivacious, good-natured…etc. Hell, that’s how I got the name Pooquisha. I ain’t
even gonna lie; I was off the hook at
times…even life of the party….lol.
Anyway, they got to playing some songs that made me reminisce on old friendships and reminded of actual moments when I used to be riding (or doing God knows what) when I heard the song, but each one brought up different memories. And the main person in each of those memories was my BFF. She was there with me through majority of those moments. She was my ride or die chick, don’t ask don’t tell type of chick that was down for whatever. My very confidant when no one else understood me. That girl was and still is my heart. Some reason she been on my mind heavy today.
So now here I am sitting here reflecting on my relationship with
her, realizing that I have not talked to her in almost a year because of a
silly argument her and I had. I’ve known this girl 14+ years and this one
disagreement got us not speaking for this long. However, I do believe that our “separation”
was very much needed at the time. We mutually agreed that we would “take a
break” and come back around later when the time was right. (yeah, I know….this
sounds like a relationship….lol). Things happen in friendships and sometimes
two people can be on different paths that cause them to grow apart. The good
thing about our friendship is that no matter how long we stay apart, we can
always pick up where we left off as if no time has lapsed. I think what I’m
fearing now is when will we pick up….if ever? This disagreement wasn’t like
any other one that we’ve ever had. I will be honest and admit that I said some
things that I shouldn’t have said that hurt her. Regardless of how she made me
feel, some of those things shouldn’t have ever come out of my mouth. Looking
back, I can see why it’s been so long since we’ve “made up.” All these years,
she has been the only person that has known my deepest and darkest faults and
vice versa. But we have never been judgmental toward each other nor attacked each
other’s characters. Regardless of who
attacked who first, some things shouldn’t have been said. Nonetheless, Is
apologized during the same conversation and we decided that we needed some time
apart we agreed that we would come back around when we were both in good spaces
and would pick up where we left off. It’s been a while now and I humbly sit
here and say to myself that I was wrong and I miss my BFF….I just hope she
feels the same.
I’m writing to say this, as I listen to all of these songs,
each bringing up unrelated memories of our untamed, uncultivated yet
exhilarating journey together, I realize that I miss her more now than ever. I
just hope she feels the same. I haven’t reached out to her because I don’t have
any contact with her but I’m
wondering that if and when I do, if she will be as receptive as I am available?
