Being in a contemplative state of mind is driving me crazy
lately. A lot has gone on in my life in this last year to get me to this point in
my life. I have matured a lot spiritually as well as naturally, but in contrast
being contemplative has also kept me stagnant.
I will break this up into 3 different parts……
I. School/Career
Lately I’ve been very contemplative about my life in many different areas. Even before graduation I was reflecting on my life and what I wanted/needed to do with my career. If you read my previous blogs, you’ll know that this previous semester before graduation I had a nervous breakdown from stress, kids, school, and just pressure of life. After I made it through that (thank God for my brother Jr.), I began to reflect on my life and where I wanted to go. Thank God that this semester I graduated with my AA in Language Studies and will continue my BA at CSU Sacramento for Journalism. It was that halfway mark that I needed. I needed that push on the back to feel like I accomplished something and all my studying was not in vain.
I don’t start my next semester until August but in the meantime, my brain hasn’t been able to take a rest. My mind is still doing homework in my head. It’s like I’m programmed and I don’t know how to de-program. I’m not sure if that’s a good or bad thing though? I think my brain used to stress of my homework more than I actually did it.
Anyway, so my dilemma with school is my career goal. Y’all know I’m a journalist and I love to write, edit, or anything that has to do with Journalism. But for the last year I’ve always thought about a second career……Interpreting; for Sign Language that is. It does pay more, but for me is a little more difficult than writing, which comes natural for me. However, I do have two of the best tutors there are, my dad who was completely deaf since the age of 3 and knows ASL very fluently so he is my “in-home” tutor. Then I have my girl Tracy who is actually an ASL interpreter and can show me the ropes as well. I don’t want to be one of those students who change their major in the middle of schooling but I do want to major in two different areas. The question is can I handle a double major at this point? I’m giving myself until August to think about it.
II. Kids
The second area of contemplation would be my children. I’ve been trying to become more active with them because they say I’m boring and have no life. They told me all I like to do is read books and watch movies/news. Has my career goal really taken over my life that much? I want to do more things that they enjoy so I do have some summer activities lined up for us while I’m waiting for the next semester. I want to do things with them that we don’t normally do on a regular basis…..and I want some of them to be educational. I’m really big on making sure my kids understand how important their education is. Other than cheerleading, basketball, and gymnastics I have planned a trip to the Exploratorium (Calen loves this Science stuff and Ava just loves asking questions about everything), and looking into a CPR class (I’m big on emergency safety since we live alone). This last earthquake scare was an opportunity to teach them what to do in emergency situations. Calen even took it too far as to sleep in the doorway that night to ensure his safety. But I’ve educated them on fires, earthquakes, and some 911 situations. Now I just want them to get adequate training on CPR and actual situations. I’m sure there are local programs that will teach children what to do. I think even at times I take this safety thing too far….contemplative on gun training too (for me that is). I blame “First 48” and “I Survived.”
The second area of contemplation would be my children. I’ve been trying to become more active with them because they say I’m boring and have no life. They told me all I like to do is read books and watch movies/news. Has my career goal really taken over my life that much? I want to do more things that they enjoy so I do have some summer activities lined up for us while I’m waiting for the next semester. I want to do things with them that we don’t normally do on a regular basis…..and I want some of them to be educational. I’m really big on making sure my kids understand how important their education is. Other than cheerleading, basketball, and gymnastics I have planned a trip to the Exploratorium (Calen loves this Science stuff and Ava just loves asking questions about everything), and looking into a CPR class (I’m big on emergency safety since we live alone). This last earthquake scare was an opportunity to teach them what to do in emergency situations. Calen even took it too far as to sleep in the doorway that night to ensure his safety. But I’ve educated them on fires, earthquakes, and some 911 situations. Now I just want them to get adequate training on CPR and actual situations. I’m sure there are local programs that will teach children what to do. I think even at times I take this safety thing too far….contemplative on gun training too (for me that is). I blame “First 48” and “I Survived.”
III. Companionship
The third area is the “forbidden”……or so I have so maliciously coined it. I’ve been single for quite some time and I actually enjoy it. I do have some lonely nights or times where I wish I just had that adult interaction other than with my kids to come home to (not like that yall….lol). But I go back and forth with it so much that I have decided not to partake in the dating world. Even if I wanted to date, I don’t ever want to leave my house so I don’t give anybody the time of day. But like I said, those lonely nights do come and that’s when my mind starts to wander to the past and it sends me deeper into my hole. My girls call me, “the old lady in the shoe” because I have just completely shut myself off from the outside world (excluding my Monthay)! I’m a very patient person and can wait. But sometimes a sista needs that little black book to have on deck!!! Haha. So I’ve actually been thinking about dating recently. Hmmmm, just a thought! At least until Tevin and get married.
The third area is the “forbidden”……or so I have so maliciously coined it. I’ve been single for quite some time and I actually enjoy it. I do have some lonely nights or times where I wish I just had that adult interaction other than with my kids to come home to (not like that yall….lol). But I go back and forth with it so much that I have decided not to partake in the dating world. Even if I wanted to date, I don’t ever want to leave my house so I don’t give anybody the time of day. But like I said, those lonely nights do come and that’s when my mind starts to wander to the past and it sends me deeper into my hole. My girls call me, “the old lady in the shoe” because I have just completely shut myself off from the outside world (excluding my Monthay)! I’m a very patient person and can wait. But sometimes a sista needs that little black book to have on deck!!! Haha. So I’ve actually been thinking about dating recently. Hmmmm, just a thought! At least until Tevin and get married.
Anyway, I know that was a lot but it was just a glimpse into
my whirlwind of a mind. I know some of you can relate and others can give
advice. Feel free to comment and share what you’d like.
