Tevinmania Pt. I

His smile

His smell

His eye contact

His kiss

His hands
His voice

His laugh

……I was captivated by everything about him.

These are all moments that had me mesmerized during my “Tevin Campbell Experience.” He has been the love of my life for about 20 years now and experiencing memories has been unbelievable. I can still remember the very first time I heard his voice. It was 1993 and I was listening to CDs with my sister Nicole and her friend Vivian. Adina Howard and Tevin Campbell were in constant rotation. Once I heard “Can We Talk,” then “I’m Ready,” I was instantly hooked. I had to get a copy of that album for myself…….and that is where it all started. I followed his music throughout his career, even at such a young age (11 years old). I never got a chance to see him perform live because I was too young. However, I vowed that before I died, I just had to meet him. It was a bucket list item….you know the things you “attempt” to do but never get around to doing them all. Meeting Tevin was actually last on the list….as if it was impractical. Once I heard he was having a concert, I knew I just HAD to be there. Yes, the drive was 2.5 hours but well worth it.

It was one of those moments you had to be there to witness. Even I, myself can’t tell the story as it happened because I was in a euphoric state. For years people associated me with Tevin, as if I actually knew this man. Not to mention I had a Photoshop picture of the two of us that actually looked real thanks to my wonderful friends who supported my Tevin infatuation (Annie, Deanne and Nicole). Most people were often sickened by my constant "Tevinmania" but I never looked at it as a bad thing; I was just staying loyal to 'true love.'

The day of the concert finally came. I woke up that morning feeling sick and very exhausted for some reason. Even my daughter had to ask why I wasn’t excited. I had several hours before the concert but not enough time to do the things on my “To Do” list that morning in preparation; after all I did have a 2.5 hour drive, not including rush hour traffic in the bay. I didn’t get a chance to tackle my list but I hit the freeway anyway not sure if I was going to the first show or not. There were two shows in one night and I only had tickets for the 2^nd one. I begged a friend last minute to attend the first show with me. I had to twist her arm but I’m glad she came because I couldn’t have picked a better person to go with (Thanks Ang!)

 

Angee and I make it to the first show and the opening act is the comedian Hannibal Thompson. When he’s done with his set I go to the bathroom to make sure I didn’t have to leave my seat at any point during Tevin’s performance. To my surprise, I run into Hannibal. My instincts kick in and we chat a bit and take pictures.

 

By the time I get back to my seat, the lights go out and I just knew Tevin was coming out any second.

 

I update my Facebook one last time before having an “Ashley” moment (from Fresh Prince of Bel Air) and stand in the aisle right next to my seat awaiting his entrance. To my surprise, I was standing in the way of his entrance which included him running down that very aisle jumping to the stage. Next thing you know……BOOM! Tevin and I shoulder bump each other as he ran right past me. I had no idea it was him until Angee told me.

(Here I am standing there in shock!)

Oh, I guess I should address the “Security” shirt. I wore it (only to the first show) as a dare from my friends. They kept telling me that security was going to have to carry me out of the show. I thought it would be a funny joke if I actually wore a shirt that insinuated I was security. I had no real intentions of bypassing actual security to get backstage or anything. Just a funny joke if you ask me. One of my friends called it ‘ingenious.’

So next thing I remember Tevin is on stage singing one of his most famous singles “I’m Ready” and somehow it was like magic. My feet carried me up to the stage because I don’t remember actually walking up there. I somehow had to get a closer look for myself to believe that it was actually him. But not before I pulled out my camera! I could hear his voice, I could see his profile, but I had to get proof. Second song in and I’m already walking up to the stage……calm but skeptic that this was THEE TEVIN CAMPBELL. Immediately security approaches me to send me back to my seat……..but not before I tell Tevin how much I loved him.

“I love you Tevin!” I say pointing to him before returning to my seat.

In mid song he squats down into the light so he could see my face. His eyes got big as he points back at me and says one word that not only melted my heart, but caused me to catch the Holy Ghost…..

“Natasha???” he said; and like a true professional he kept singing and didn’t miss a beat.

If video doesn't play here is the link to copy/paste:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Vhzx2-5p7xk

I lost it after that. I felt like a little girl whose crush said hello to her in the hallways for the first time. It was like a sweeet echo in my ear. Through my ‘rejoicing,’ my enthusiasm was fueled by the fact that he ACTUALLY recognized me! I could not believe it!!! I have loved this man for so long and he has come across many of fans. So for him to recognize me as well as call my name, it was unbelievable. (But also questionable….lol. Am I on the “crazy fan” list? haha)

In mid dance and screams back to my seat, the strap on my shoe had torn and unfortunately the floor got jealous and wanted some attention to so I obliged. *sigh*

(even I had to laugh at the damage done afterward)

I finally make it back to my seat and enjoy the rest of the song while fanning myself trying to calm down. The next song, “Shhh,” starts and it’s very quiet. Tevin is on stage singing with such a flawless tune, I found myself lost in the impeccable melodies. Suddenly, I heard another echo,

“Where is Natasha?”

I opened my eyes but I didn’t move because my subconscious told me it was just my imagination. Angee says to me,

“Tasha you better go up there, he’s calling you.”

“NO WAY?”

“Go, girl!!!”

I stood up and that’s when it hit me…..my shoe is broken and I hadn’t take it off yet.

The strap is still tied around my ankle but the rest of my shoe is just dangling. I rush to take it off and just my luck it’s a stubborn strap. People around me are watching me struggle with my shoe and laughing at my swiftness to remove it. Tevin says, “She’s taking her shoes off y’all!” I finally get it off and didn’t bother struggling too long with the other one. I knew I had to make my way up there fast. Although I walk up there with one missing shoe, Tevin serenades me in the most charismatic way the rest of the lyrics to “Shhh!”

  

This has got to be a dream!

But I was living it and wouldn’t let anyone ruin this moment for me.

He's holding my hand, staring me in the eye singing, hands me the mic to sing a line, then he grabs both of my hands. His soft lips connect with my left hand, then right, and in true “Mrs. Campbell” fashion, I point to my cheek campaigning for a more intimate kiss. After all, we’ve been in a relationship for years now…..in my head!

He squats down, I grab the nape of his neck and he kisses my cheek; something took over me again. I tapped into my inner 13 year old self and scream with satisfaction as I leaped back to my seat.

The rest of the concert was amazing and I was in such amazement that my dream to see him perform live had come true. He even dedicated "Round & Round" to me as well. I had reached Heaven. 'What could top this moment?'......I thought to myself. But to think, that wasn’t even the end of it……

After the concert was over I stood around talking and taking pictures with other Tevin fans who admired my passion for him. I had tickets to the next show so I was trying to hurry up and leave to go change. Next thing you know, Angee grabs my hand and whispers, “C’mon Tash, follow me,” but she wasn’t heading towards the exit. She was heading towards the stage where there was a door in the corner. I follow with no hesitation with trust in my girl. Then it hit me..........

Did she somehow find a way for us to meet Tevin???
Is she taking me backstage???
OMG Becky!!!

………………..to be continued!

Dear Cain & Abel

After reading this blog (http://thewatkinsteam.blogspot.com/2013/05/on-dating.html?spref=fb)...sorry link wasn't working. But you can copy/paste the link....I was inspired to start writing "open letters" to my children that I have named "Dear Cain & Abel." As a graduation gift, my cousin Annetta gave me a journal and this was my first entry. I've decided to use this journal to write directly to my kids so they will always know how much I love them, even long after I'm gone.
No, no, I'm not dying...lol. But I do want my kids to have plenty of written letters and words of love and encouragement from me that they can always read at any point in their lives. I'm not sure if I'll share every entry here on my blog but I did want to share this one and possibly inspire someone to do the same.


Dear Calen &Ava (or Cain & Abel as I call them),



I love you two more that you guys will ever know. Y'all bring joy to my life as well as purpose. I'm writing to let y'all know that ever since having y'all, I have done everything in my powers to provide for you two, keep y'all happy, love y'all to the best of my ability and even teach you everything I know that will contribute to you guys being very successful. There is nothing I wouldn't do to keep you happy. It hasn't always been easy and at times I've struggled to make it happen, but the smile on your faces made the sacrifices that I've made all worthwhile. It's my job and my mission to keep y'all happy. Remember that always. I never knew I could ever love so hard and unconditionally until I met you two. And it's like you guys are perfect for me. I couldn't imagine it any other way. It just warms my heart to watch you both grown and build a relationship. Even through the fights, arguments and disagreements, you two are inseparable. Always remember to love each other wholeheartedly.
Calen, it is your job to love and take care of your sister. Show her how a man is supposed to treat a woman and always respect her. She will be a woman one day and she'll remember all the things you taught her.
Ava, love your brother unconditionally. I know right now you feel like he's a bully but that's what big brothers do. You just wait until you start dating. = )! But always confide in him and trust him. He loves you and will never steer you wrong. Stay close with him, he will always protect you.


 Mommy loves you both dearly and want nothing more than to see you two happy!

Contemplation

Being in a contemplative state of mind is driving me crazy lately. A lot has gone on in my life in this last year to get me to this point in my life. I have matured a lot spiritually as well as naturally, but in contrast being contemplative has also kept me stagnant.

I will break this up into 3 different parts……

I. School/Career
Lately I’ve been very contemplative about my life in many different areas. Even before graduation I was reflecting on my life and what I wanted/needed to do with my career. If you read my previous blogs, you’ll know that this previous semester before graduation I had a nervous breakdown from stress, kids, school, and just pressure of life. After I made it through that (thank God for my brother Jr.), I began to reflect on my life and where I wanted to go. Thank God that this semester I graduated with my AA in Language Studies and will continue my BA at CSU Sacramento for Journalism. It was that halfway mark that I needed. I needed that push on the back to feel like I accomplished something and all my studying was not in vain.
I don’t start my next semester until August but in the meantime, my brain hasn’t been able to take a rest. My mind is still doing homework in my head. It’s like I’m programmed and I don’t know how to de-program. I’m not sure if that’s a good or bad thing though? I think my brain used to stress of my homework more than I actually did it.
Anyway, so my dilemma with school is my career goal. Y’all know I’m a journalist and I love to write, edit, or anything that has to do with Journalism. But for the last year I’ve always thought about a second career……Interpreting; for Sign Language that is. It does pay more, but for me is a little more difficult than writing, which comes natural for me. However, I do have two of the best tutors there are, my dad who was completely deaf since the age of 3 and knows ASL very fluently so he is my “in-home” tutor. Then I have my girl Tracy who is actually an ASL interpreter and can show me the ropes as well. I don’t want to be one of those students who change their major in the middle of schooling but I do want to major in two different areas. The question is can I handle a double major at this point? I’m giving myself until August to think about it.

II. Kids
The second area of contemplation would be my children. I’ve been trying to become more active with them because they say I’m boring and have no life. They told me all I like to do is read books and watch movies/news. Has my career goal really taken over my life that much? I want to do more things that they enjoy so I do have some summer activities lined up for us while I’m waiting for the next semester. I want to do things with them that we don’t normally do on a regular basis…..and I want some of them to be educational. I’m really big on making sure my kids understand how important their education is. Other than cheerleading, basketball, and gymnastics I have planned a trip to the Exploratorium (Calen loves this Science stuff and Ava just loves asking questions about everything), and looking into a CPR class (I’m big on emergency safety since we live alone). This last earthquake scare was an opportunity to teach them what to do in emergency situations. Calen even took it too far as to sleep in the doorway that night to ensure his safety. But I’ve educated them on fires, earthquakes, and some 911 situations. Now I just want them to get adequate training on CPR and actual situations. I’m sure there are local programs that will teach children what to do. I think even at times I take this safety thing too far….contemplative on gun training too (for me that is). I blame “First 48” and “I Survived.”

III. Companionship
The third area is the “forbidden”……or so I have so maliciously coined it. I’ve been single for quite some time and I actually enjoy it. I do have some lonely nights or times where I wish I just had that adult interaction other than with my kids to come home to (not like that yall….lol). But I go back and forth with it so much that I have decided not to partake in the dating world. Even if I wanted to date, I don’t ever want to leave my house so I don’t give anybody the time of day. But like I said, those lonely nights do come and that’s when my mind starts to wander to the past and it sends me deeper into my hole. My girls call me, “the old lady in the shoe” because I have just completely shut myself off from the outside world (excluding my Monthay)! I’m a very patient person and can wait. But sometimes a sista needs that little black book to have on deck!!! Haha. So I’ve actually been thinking about dating recently. Hmmmm, just a thought! At least until Tevin and get married.

Anyway, I know that was a lot but it was just a glimpse into my whirlwind of a mind. I know some of you can relate and others can give advice. Feel free to comment and share what you’d like.