I Hate Clichés

Every once in a while I find it normal to hit a rough patch in life. I consider them all stepping stones to advance to another level (R.I.P. Cliché), However, when you’re going through it, nobody wants to hear those old cliche sayings; I know I don’t. I try to deal with the emotion, get it out and then move on. Of course it doesn’t always happen like that.

Lately, I have been having a hard time concentrating on things that are important; things that should take priority in my life. Distraction has become unmistakably my biggest issue. I have some unresolved issues that have taken precedence in my life for a long time now, even some fairly new. Somewhere along the lines, I have lost focus. Not only has it affected who I am as a person, but my schooling as well as my relationships with my children, friends and family.

I have plenty of “aha moments” (R.I.P. Cliché), and during one of them I realized that I have isolated some, lost my patience with others and altered my tolerance with the rest. I wish I could honestly sit here and say that I have learned THE lesson through all of what I’m going through, but I haven’t, just yet. Life, is a forever learning process. I’m learning to deal with me first (R.I.P. Cliché). My isolation was very much needed, yet crippling at the same time. “Eat the meat and throw away the bone” (R.I.P. Cliché).  I sometimes get it, and other times I don’t. I think struggle with expecting everyone to know my stance, and when they don’t, I get angry….especially after explaining myself to them. I harbor anger that sometimes isn’t validated. But that’s the problem…..why do I need validation? I know what I feel and the emotions that I go through and they are very much real, so what holds me back?
Seeing this quote answered my own question 

I saw this quote on my BFF's page recently…….and as cliché as it is (R.I.P. Cliché).……it made so much sense to me. It made so much sense that it actually made me mad. Usually, the truth hurts (R.I.P. Cliché). Of course I could be bitter and just say “Fuck.That.Noise” 37 times. I’m sure it would make me feel better at the moment….all 37 times. But in reality, the pain still resides. It made me think, am I expecting too much from people? Not everyone will realize that they’ve hurt you and apologize for it. When in reality, apologizing is not necessarily admitting guilt (R.I.P. Cliché), it is, however, expressing sorrow to someone whom you love. It’s expressing to them that it hurts you, too, to see them going through something.

I’ve never wanted to be the “poster-child” for anything that I go through. Although I love helping people, I know that I must heal before I can help anyone else. I can’t always think of everyone else... if it means neglecting me. One day, my voice will be heard….no matter what! “Fuckety, fuck, fuck,” will only get me so far. Articulation is what I strive to accomplish with my words. I have so much more potential than the “fucks” that I throw out.

Tevinmania Pt. II

Angee had used her charm and wit to get Hannibal to take us to where Tevin was. The closer we got to the door, the more excited I became. Somehow, I knew exactly what she was doing and I trusted her completely. I followed her and with each step in that direction, my heart could feel the closeness to Tevin. When Angee got to the door, security stopped us saying that we weren’t allowed in that direction. Apparently some other people had caught on to where we were headed and followed suit. However, as we were at the door, Angee managed to work her magic somehow. (Teeth and charm as she calls it, lol). It was as if Angee stood in the doorway holding her foot in the doorway, not allowing it to close before she accomplished her mission. Her natural persistence, mixed with passion to make my dream come true was more than enough for the both of us. I didn’t realize that she was just as invested in this as I was. When I say I picked the perfect buddy to go with, #SheDidThat!
 Little did I know she was standing there talking to Tevin in the doorway while security held the rest of us back. But nooooo, not Angee…..her commitment level paid off. While me and a few other folks sulked in the impression that we couldn’t get to him, Angee had already told Tevin, “Look, I have someone who really wants to meet you. You have to meet this girl!” The next thing I remember, Tevin glanced around the corner and we locked eyes. Here I was, staring “Heaven” in its face, begging God not to awaken me from this dream. All of the bad things I had done in my life prior to that point were enclosed in this last prayer, “Lord please don’t let me wake up right now. I have got to meet this man and tell him how much I love him….personally.” Luckily, Jesus was on my side that day and found pity in my distress and split the waters like he did for Moses. When Tevin looked me in my eyes and said, “Tasha? Come on, gir!" God, Himself, had to carry me through that door because I don’t remember walking through it!!!

So here we are in the back with Tevin, conversing, taking photos and laughing as if we were longtime friends catching up on all the lost years. As Angee was capturing photos of us sharing this moment together, Tevin says, “Tasha and I go way back, this is my girl right here.” At that moment, I had to pause and tell him the truth. After all, what is a relationship without honesty? ; )

“Tevin, you know this is my first time meeting you right?”

“But…..the picture?!?”

“It was photo shopped! This is my very first time meeting you. My friends made that picture for me.”

Tevin had such a confused look on his face as he looked at Angee for confirmation.  

“Yes, Tevin, this is her first time meeting you,” Angee confirmed.

We all burst out laughing in disbelief that it actually worked. Talk about creativity….!

When it was time to go, Angee says to Tevin, “Bye, Tevin, I’m going home now, nice meeting you.” So of course I say to him, “But I’m not. I’ll see you at the 9:30 show.” Then once again Tevin blows me away with such simple words that could only warrant an instant meltdown inside coming from his lips, “Bye Dodson, see you inside!”

What??? Not only did he know me by my first name, but my last name too?Unbelievable!!!

So as I was leaving, the line for the 9:30 show was wrapped around the corner already. While walking past the line I heard someone call my name. When I turned around it was a group of people in the line asking, “So you’re Natasha, huh?” My immediate response was, “Oh, you must’ve been inside of the first show?” After chatting a bit and taking a few more photos with people who dubbed me as “Tevin’s #1 Fan,” I finally get to my car….BAREFOOT, mind you! (from my broken shoe earlier).

The excitement that I had was so overwhelming that Angee and I stayed in the parking lot for a good 30 minutes watching the videos we had taken and looking through all of the photos (which included a lot of screaming as well!)
By the time I called my girls who I was supposed to be meeting for the second show, Jessica was already inside. The second show had already started but I knew I had time to bypass the opening acts (no offense), so I decided to wait outside for Bridget. (Here is a pic of Bridget, his drummer BJ, and myself outside acting crazy before the 2nd show!)

When Angee dropped me back off in front of the building, she said, “Tasha, there is Tevin…..standing right there!!!” I didn’t believe her and didn’t bother looking. I thought she was playing so I ignored her as I got out the car. After I got out and glanced over, I realized it really was him. His back was turned so I wasn’t quite certain. But me, knowing my man, knew it was him. In my head I kept thinking, ‘Don’t scream Tash. Just walk calmly to the window to get your tickets and do not embarrass yourself.’

Well, that was my plan but it didn’t quite work out that way. I only wanted to say hello and keep walking.

“Hi, Tevin.” I said as I kept walking, screaming inside, but composing myself in front of him.

When he turned and noticed it was me, he said, “Dodsonnnn……” walking towards me embracing me with yet another hug. This night seemed to go on forever. I couldn’t believe it was actually happening. And I also couldn’t believe how calm I remained. (Took a lot of prepping myself prior to the show, trust me). We talked for a little bit before his second show…….(about what? I still can’t remember everything. It’s like I was there, but not there. But I definitely had some private, unbelievable moments with my boo).

Overall, Tevin put on an awesome performance as expected, and it was everything and more that I had dreamt of. He signed autographs, took pictures and sang his ass off the entire night! He still has a voice of excellence and a silky-smooth quality worthy of an even greater comeback. And with no doubt, I will be here to support every step of the way. That's what a wifey does!

THAT is the Campbell that I fell in love with back in 1993. To have such a tangible experience with him after more than 20 years of loyalty is not enough to put words into a blog!

My name is Natasha Dodson and I approve this message!

Mrs. Campbell........OUT!

Tevinmania Pt. I

His smile

His smell

His eye contact

His kiss

His hands
His voice

His laugh

……I was captivated by everything about him.

These are all moments that had me mesmerized during my “Tevin Campbell Experience.” He has been the love of my life for about 20 years now and experiencing memories has been unbelievable. I can still remember the very first time I heard his voice. It was 1993 and I was listening to CDs with my sister Nicole and her friend Vivian. Adina Howard and Tevin Campbell were in constant rotation. Once I heard “Can We Talk,” then “I’m Ready,” I was instantly hooked. I had to get a copy of that album for myself…….and that is where it all started. I followed his music throughout his career, even at such a young age (11 years old). I never got a chance to see him perform live because I was too young. However, I vowed that before I died, I just had to meet him. It was a bucket list item….you know the things you “attempt” to do but never get around to doing them all. Meeting Tevin was actually last on the list….as if it was impractical. Once I heard he was having a concert, I knew I just HAD to be there. Yes, the drive was 2.5 hours but well worth it.

It was one of those moments you had to be there to witness. Even I, myself can’t tell the story as it happened because I was in a euphoric state. For years people associated me with Tevin, as if I actually knew this man. Not to mention I had a Photoshop picture of the two of us that actually looked real thanks to my wonderful friends who supported my Tevin infatuation (Annie, Deanne and Nicole). Most people were often sickened by my constant "Tevinmania" but I never looked at it as a bad thing; I was just staying loyal to 'true love.'

The day of the concert finally came. I woke up that morning feeling sick and very exhausted for some reason. Even my daughter had to ask why I wasn’t excited. I had several hours before the concert but not enough time to do the things on my “To Do” list that morning in preparation; after all I did have a 2.5 hour drive, not including rush hour traffic in the bay. I didn’t get a chance to tackle my list but I hit the freeway anyway not sure if I was going to the first show or not. There were two shows in one night and I only had tickets for the 2^nd one. I begged a friend last minute to attend the first show with me. I had to twist her arm but I’m glad she came because I couldn’t have picked a better person to go with (Thanks Ang!)

 

Angee and I make it to the first show and the opening act is the comedian Hannibal Thompson. When he’s done with his set I go to the bathroom to make sure I didn’t have to leave my seat at any point during Tevin’s performance. To my surprise, I run into Hannibal. My instincts kick in and we chat a bit and take pictures.

 

By the time I get back to my seat, the lights go out and I just knew Tevin was coming out any second.

 

I update my Facebook one last time before having an “Ashley” moment (from Fresh Prince of Bel Air) and stand in the aisle right next to my seat awaiting his entrance. To my surprise, I was standing in the way of his entrance which included him running down that very aisle jumping to the stage. Next thing you know……BOOM! Tevin and I shoulder bump each other as he ran right past me. I had no idea it was him until Angee told me.

(Here I am standing there in shock!)

Oh, I guess I should address the “Security” shirt. I wore it (only to the first show) as a dare from my friends. They kept telling me that security was going to have to carry me out of the show. I thought it would be a funny joke if I actually wore a shirt that insinuated I was security. I had no real intentions of bypassing actual security to get backstage or anything. Just a funny joke if you ask me. One of my friends called it ‘ingenious.’

So next thing I remember Tevin is on stage singing one of his most famous singles “I’m Ready” and somehow it was like magic. My feet carried me up to the stage because I don’t remember actually walking up there. I somehow had to get a closer look for myself to believe that it was actually him. But not before I pulled out my camera! I could hear his voice, I could see his profile, but I had to get proof. Second song in and I’m already walking up to the stage……calm but skeptic that this was THEE TEVIN CAMPBELL. Immediately security approaches me to send me back to my seat……..but not before I tell Tevin how much I loved him.

“I love you Tevin!” I say pointing to him before returning to my seat.

In mid song he squats down into the light so he could see my face. His eyes got big as he points back at me and says one word that not only melted my heart, but caused me to catch the Holy Ghost…..

“Natasha???” he said; and like a true professional he kept singing and didn’t miss a beat.

If video doesn't play here is the link to copy/paste:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Vhzx2-5p7xk

I lost it after that. I felt like a little girl whose crush said hello to her in the hallways for the first time. It was like a sweeet echo in my ear. Through my ‘rejoicing,’ my enthusiasm was fueled by the fact that he ACTUALLY recognized me! I could not believe it!!! I have loved this man for so long and he has come across many of fans. So for him to recognize me as well as call my name, it was unbelievable. (But also questionable….lol. Am I on the “crazy fan” list? haha)

In mid dance and screams back to my seat, the strap on my shoe had torn and unfortunately the floor got jealous and wanted some attention to so I obliged. *sigh*

(even I had to laugh at the damage done afterward)

I finally make it back to my seat and enjoy the rest of the song while fanning myself trying to calm down. The next song, “Shhh,” starts and it’s very quiet. Tevin is on stage singing with such a flawless tune, I found myself lost in the impeccable melodies. Suddenly, I heard another echo,

“Where is Natasha?”

I opened my eyes but I didn’t move because my subconscious told me it was just my imagination. Angee says to me,

“Tasha you better go up there, he’s calling you.”

“NO WAY?”

“Go, girl!!!”

I stood up and that’s when it hit me…..my shoe is broken and I hadn’t take it off yet.

The strap is still tied around my ankle but the rest of my shoe is just dangling. I rush to take it off and just my luck it’s a stubborn strap. People around me are watching me struggle with my shoe and laughing at my swiftness to remove it. Tevin says, “She’s taking her shoes off y’all!” I finally get it off and didn’t bother struggling too long with the other one. I knew I had to make my way up there fast. Although I walk up there with one missing shoe, Tevin serenades me in the most charismatic way the rest of the lyrics to “Shhh!”

  

This has got to be a dream!

But I was living it and wouldn’t let anyone ruin this moment for me.

He's holding my hand, staring me in the eye singing, hands me the mic to sing a line, then he grabs both of my hands. His soft lips connect with my left hand, then right, and in true “Mrs. Campbell” fashion, I point to my cheek campaigning for a more intimate kiss. After all, we’ve been in a relationship for years now…..in my head!

He squats down, I grab the nape of his neck and he kisses my cheek; something took over me again. I tapped into my inner 13 year old self and scream with satisfaction as I leaped back to my seat.

The rest of the concert was amazing and I was in such amazement that my dream to see him perform live had come true. He even dedicated "Round & Round" to me as well. I had reached Heaven. 'What could top this moment?'......I thought to myself. But to think, that wasn’t even the end of it……

After the concert was over I stood around talking and taking pictures with other Tevin fans who admired my passion for him. I had tickets to the next show so I was trying to hurry up and leave to go change. Next thing you know, Angee grabs my hand and whispers, “C’mon Tash, follow me,” but she wasn’t heading towards the exit. She was heading towards the stage where there was a door in the corner. I follow with no hesitation with trust in my girl. Then it hit me..........

Did she somehow find a way for us to meet Tevin???
Is she taking me backstage???
OMG Becky!!!

………………..to be continued!